Counting my
blessings aside, the last quarter of 2012 has been a real test for me. -
I was, more than ever last year, was physically & emotionally hurt. Thus,
the trauma it causes has yet to left its ugly scars as an awful reminder
of the terror I had that fateful day.
.
Looking back, I got a freak accident while on
my way to work. One of the most
unpleasant in my 3 decades or so of existence.
Perhaps, even the greatest of artist would find it difficult to paint my very face while
I cringe in pain after slipping badly in a pavement. Plus to my moment of torment, there were only goofing eyes, but no willing hands to pull me up - so I stood all by
myself & hold on to whatever might
I left - like a bloody soldier
aiming to victor a gory battle against a
more stronger foe.
The same was good enough to semi-paralyzed my
right knee and elbow for days. The
agony turns into weeks & then into months (I hope not for years). Dang!
SLEEPING WAS ONCE AN IMPOSSIBLE DREAM.
I was parallel to a young boy- screaming for his mothe's help r each
time the terrible stinging of an impaired flesh strikes in wee hours.
THE AWFUL SLIPPING REUNITED MY LOVE-AFFAIR
WITH PAIN RELIEVERS. At least, the
costly drugs kept me sane during the day & screened my beloved work
from potential peril. My other support (a seemingly useless sling)
had to be detached had since it
hinders the blood to circulate
freely unto my aging veins - which, to my dismay, only further the swelling.
.
Ugh. It's been 18 weeks. Whilst the hurting
is yet to persist,
It mellowed somehow. Soon, I'll
be arm to arm with an ortho for some joint-stretching sessions. Interestingly, I've
learned a new skill - the art of writing & brushing my teeth using
the left hand. Oh, I can do brisk walking
too even without a patient buddy to lean on. Nevertheless, I badly miss fun-runs & muscle toning. As of this writing, my muscles sagged upon
losing their once-manly curves, - and my weight dwindled alongside my
once-voracious appetite.
.
The emo part...
.
Sometimes, I WONDER WHICH ONE IS MORE
PAINFUL... - A broken bone or a broken spirit?
Barely a week prior to my pavement-scandal,
err.. accident, I fought a rather bad fight with a buddy I
highly regarded like a bro . Our feud
was pretty disappointing, REALLY. There
were no changing of blows or
blood spitting, but I supposed, the sudden parting hurts
more than a blow. In retrospect of happy times, we used to
drink in the same tumbler, ate in the same utensils and throw silly jokes to one
another as if it's our last. We prayed
& studied the gospel together. WE
SHARED & BELIEVED THE SAME FAITH.
.
Those were the noteworthy days gone by. Life can be achingly funny. One day, your
friendship is as good as gold, then as cold as a marble, the next. The immortal saying "A SMALL DISPUTE
COULD INJURE A GREAT FRIENDSHIP" ran true in our case. Worse, it
awaken the sleeping dragon in us and much to our horror mirrored ourselves
breathing flaming words - so unruly & unforgiving. Days passed by, with wounded emotions being stitched with
wrath, we chose not to cross paths, hear each other's voices or even gaze at
each others countenance. Suddenly, we
became an epitome of a perfect strangers.
.
"LET OUR LIGHT SHINE UPON THE
OTHERS", a quote I vividly recalled in one of his motivational
sermon. The same phrase I doubted now WHEN OUR HEARTS ARE DARKENED BY FOOLISH
PRIDES, CONSUMED BY THOUGHTLESS RAGE.
.
YES, we're no longer THE SAME MEEK,
SMILING & SYMPATHETIC PEOPLE WE ONCE WERE.
The so-called "Good Guys" being dear & trusted by
many. And such gloomy thoughts pains even more compared to
the physical traumas I have had. And I
can't help, BUT MISSED MY OLD SELF - AS WEL AS HIS.
There were
times I found myself gravitating
towards him, aiming for a civilized
talk, with high hope to bridge the space
that kept us ignorant and isolated. But
with his cold shoulder and astonishing blindness display, I realized he's neither willing nor ready,
yet; and because his kindness &
trust for me seemed to fade, I might
just end up "only pursuing shadow
and/or running after the wind
".
Nonetheless, IF ALL OF MY BRUISES ARE HEALED IN DUE TIME, I
SHOULD TRY CROSSING THE NARROW BRIDGE WHEN I GET THERE . AND WHEN THE RIGHT TIME COMES, I LOOK FORWARD
to see my long-missed BRO waiting
patiently on the other end - smiling - with
his gentle hand open - & reaching out on me.
.
IN GOD, THIS I TRUST.






